No Going Forward
by LullabyDust
Summary: Kurogane always swore he'd kill Fai the day he drank human blood. But when that day actually comes... KuroFai. WARNING: Character death, but not what you think. Oneshot.


There was confetti and glitter everywhere- on the floor, the chairs, the people. It shimmered on the edge of Kurogane's vision, dancing and winking in and out of the light as if it was their goal to distract him at least once before they were swept away the next morning and dumped in the trash, but he kept his eyes trained on Fai's hips. They were mesmerizing, moving back and forth to the music as he wormed his way through the crowd, clutching two apple martinis. He wondered mildly who the other one was for.

The music was so loud that his heart had given up trying to maintain its own rhythm, and instead simply throbbed to the beat of whatever song happened to be playing at the moment. The crowd was equally unforgiving, ringing in his ears with the dull roar of several jet engines taking off at once. Fai shimmied into the only empty booth in the entire club and leaned back casually. He took out a cigarette and, after several tries, lit it, took a drag, and puffed a few smoke rings into the air with a sigh, swirling his drink around in its glass as he stared into space like he was waiting for someone. Kurogane watched all this from a safe distance- not that that meant anything here, because the club was so crowded that Kurogane could have stripped naked and stood five feet away and Fai wouldn't have noticed.

He gave it another twenty minutes, then worked his way through the mass of people and slid into the booth across from him. Fai smiled.

"Fancy meeting you here," he said, sliding the other martini across the table at him. Kurogane frowned at it. How did he always _know?_

"What would you have done if I hadn't come?" he asked coolly, raising the glass to his lips.

"Then I would have had a second martini without the hassle of standing up and risking losing my seat again," Fai said, smiling.

"Hmph," said Kurogane. He drained the whole thing in one go while Fai puffed on his cigarette. "You know, you really shouldn't smoke those. They're bad for your health."

"_Ooh,_ is Kuro-burro _worried_ about me?"

"I don't want to get cancer because you're always blowing smoke in my face," Kurogane snapped defensively.

"That implies spending enough time together for it to matter," pointed out Fai, smirking. Kurogane emitted a low, guttural growl and leaned across the table.

"Don't get me wrong," he growled. "I _will_ kill you one day."

"I know," said Fai, leaning close, "but that day has yet to come, and you promised not to let anything happen until it does, didn't you?"

"Hmph. I did, didn't I?" grumbled Kurogane with a smirk. Fai's breath smelled like alcohol and cigarettes and winter- something only Fai could make attractive- and Kurogane had the brief thought that he didn't really want to back away. "You still have to hold up your end of the bargain, though."

Fai sighed.

"Always straight to the point. No witty banter for you, eh?" he said playfully, then suddenly grew very serious. "There's a new hive growing downtown."

That caught Kurogane's interest. "Where downtown?"

"Hard to say," Fai said, shaking his head. A shower of glitter rained on his shoulders. "They're planning something, though, I can tell you that much."

"Not good enough, Fai," Kurogane snapped. Fai gave an amused smile, ice blue eye flashing gold for a moment before returning to its original color.

"I suppose I could take you there," he said. Kurogane leaned back, even though he didn't really want to. He wanted his face as close as possible to Fai's.

"_Now_ we're getting somewhere," he said.

~X~X~

"_Kurogane!_ What do you think you're doing to that poor boy?"

The blade froze, inches from the blonde's chest.

"He's not just a boy, Tomoyo. He's a vampire," he said evenly. Tomoyo made her way down the steps and stood at his side, looking the shivering boy up and down. The rain made no exceptions and beat as relentlessly on her as for anyone else, soaking her clothes in moments.

"He's just a fledgling. He won't do you any harm unless you bleed around him," she said, frowning. Kurogane's blood-red eyes darted to his right to glare at her, but otherwise he didn't move a muscle, the sword still posed to kill.

"He'll grow up, taste human blood and change. They all do. Now is when they're easiest to kill."

The blonde darted panicked gold eyes between his executioner and his savior. When the girl didn't answer right away in his defense, he squeezed his eyes shut, awaiting the cold metal's plunge into his heart.

_I wonder what it feels like to die…_

"Brother, put down your sword," Tomoyo snapped, and with a sigh Kurogane swung the blade away and hefted it up on his shoulders casually.

"Your supposed kindness will be the death of us both," he muttered.

"And your hasty actions will be the death of a hundred others," Tomoyo snapped. She knelt in front of the boy. "What's your name?" she asked, cupping his face in her hands. His eyes flew open again at her touch.

"F- Fai," he whispered, then shivered violently as a gust of wind pelted against his skin even harder. Tomoyo smiled.

"Then let's get you inside and warm you up, Fai," she said, then, glancing over her shoulder at Kurogane, lowered her voice to a whisper and added, "You can ignore the grumpy boy with the sword. He's just having a bad day, that's all."

~X~X~

It was like a scene out of an old, twenty-first-century film, Kurogane thought. Bits of newspaper blew down dark alleys; drunken, unsuspecting couples wandering the streets. Even miles away from the center of the city, he could still hear the partygoers living it up as they waited. He glanced at his watch. Nine o'clock. Only three more hours till the new millennium.

"Through here, I think," Fai said cheerily, ducking into a side alley.

"You _think?"_ grumbled Kurogane. Fai stopped, looking up at the side of a dingy old building.

"Oh, my," he said. "This might be a problem."

"What?" demanded Kurogane.

"Well, it's all on rooftop from here on out," Fai explained, "and it seems the fire escape is too high to reach."

Kurogane stared at him like he was an idiot- which, half the time, he was pretty sure he was.

"You have wings, don't you?"

"Ah, yes. But are you sure it's alright, Kuro-burro?" Fai asked, smiling. "After all, you're so adamant that all vampires are the same. I might go crazy."

_I trust you, idiot, don't you realize that by now?_ But Kurogane would never say that out loud.

"You'd better not," was all he said.

"You're not bleeding at all, are you?" Fai pressed.

"Not a scratch. Now hurry up."

"Hmm." Fai blinked, and suddenly his eye changed from the cold ice blue that could only look warm and receiving on Fai's face to the alluring, dangerous gold with slitted pupils. "There's a fresh cut on your right shoulder. You shouldn't lie about things like that."

He smiled at Kurogane, revealing a set of unnaturally sharp teeth- impressive, but Kurogane had seen better. Fai was only a fledgling, after all; he had yet to taste human blood. He crouched down, spreading giant black bat wings, and then suddenly leapt and soared straight up into the air. He landed on the railing in a crouch and the wings retracted. There was a pause.

"It's stuck," he called.

"What?"

"The fire escape. It's too rusted to move."

"Then _fix it,"_ growled Kurogane. Fai kicked the ladder experimentally.

"I don't think… ah. There's a lever."

Fai shimmied around the platform in pants so tight they might as well have been spray-painted on. He cranked the lever and the ladder creaked, moaned, and fell to the ground with a shower of rust and a myriad of protests. Kurogane clambered up five stories and met with Fai on the roof. The buildings here were so close together that you could step from one to the next without a problem. Actually, that was why there were up there; it was too narrow to walk through the alleys anymore.

"This way," Fai called, walking ahead of him. After a criss-cross pattern of eight or nine buildings- some were so old and decrepit the roofs probably would have caved in if they stepped on them- he stopped. "This is it."

"How do you get in?"

Fai frowned.

"So _demanding._ Don't you think I've done enough? I took you out here on my own, after all. That's on _my_ neck if anyone finds out."

"It's on everyone else's neck if they're planning something for tonight."

"Ah, so you _do_ plan to do this on your own," noted Fai, smiling. Kurogane grit his teeth and narrowed his eyes. Fai sighed and bent down, lifting up a pane of glass from a section of the roof that was once a skylight. _Careful,_ he warned, whispering in Kurogane's head, _and quiet._

_I think I know that by now,_ he thought back, but unlike Fai he couldn't actually communicate telepathically; it was just that Fai could read his thoughts. He slipped through the roof and landed silently- but uncertainly- on the rafter. _He could have told me I wasn't landing on a floor._

_I could have. But it's much more amusing this way._

Kurogane cursed to himself, then cursed again, started to curse a third time but stopped himself halfway through and decided to just stop thinking. It always took him a while to adjust to addressing Fai directly in his thoughts.

Fai paused a few feet ahead and tilted his head to the side, listening. Kurogane stopped and even held his breath so he could hear better.

_Twenty-three. Four of them fledglings._ He sniffed the air. _And they're feeding on… something. Not a human. Stop guarding your mind, _he suddenly snapped. _They can't hear your thoughts but they can feel your presence. Let it go for now._

Kurogane stopped maintaining the protective wall he had built around his mind. It was a strong barrier that was built specifically to prevent telepathic attacks and mind reading from vampires, but somehow Fai always found his way through. It had disgruntled Kurogane at first, but eventually he had grown used to it.

_Are you ready?_ he asked. Fai smiled at him through the dark, eye flashing gold again.

_Of course. Just don't bleed._

Kurogane gave a wolfish grin in reply and they dropped to the floor below.

~X~X~

"Your eyes are really a very pretty blue, Fai."

"Th- thanks," mumbled Fai, staring at the hot chocolate in his hands. He wanted to drink, but once it was gone it wouldn't be able to warm his frozen fingers. He scowled at the marshmallows and whipped cream. Why did Kurogane have to train him in the middle of winter while it was _snowing_ anyway? It Tomoyo hadn't come to his rescue he probably would have frozen to death.

Then Kurogane walked in, dumping his wet boots and heavy cloak on the ground, and Fai remembered why he stayed here and why he _let_ Kurogane train him during a snowstorm, and his cheeks flushed pink.

"If you're not going to drink that, give it to me."

Fai looked up and found Kurogane glaring at him. He forced a surprisingly convincing smile and lifted the mug to his lips, drinking deeply. Kurogane scowled and moved on to the kitchen. He set it down only to catch Tomoyo staring at him. She smiled reassuringly.

"Don't worry; he's just a little slow sometimes. He'll figure it out eventually," she told him. Fai blinked.

"Figure what out?"

But Tomoyo only smiled.

~X~X~

"On your right!"

Fai swung the guan dao around and cut cleanly across the vampire's shoulder and chest. Kurogane grabbed him as he stumbled back, rammed him against the wall and drove a stake through his heart. The creature dissolved into dust.

"You're getting better," Kurogane grunted with a hint of appreciation and maybe even pride- he had, after all, been the one to teach Fai how to fight in the first place. Fai smiled, twirled the weapon around expertly and rammed it into the stomach of an advancing enemy, pushing it back in Kurogane's direction.

"You think so?" he asked, almost hopefully. Kurogane grinned, using both hands to plunge his swords through the hearts of two vampires.

"Sure. But I gotta say, this is a lot more than twenty-three vampires."

"I told you, it's a hive. You knew there'd be more on the floors below. There was no point in me trying to guess how many there were because I couldn't hear them," Fai explained, vaulting over a group of three vampires and slashing across all their backs at once. Kurogane took care of them quickly, but they were replaced almost immediately by even more.

"You said the hive was _growing,_" he growled. "I've taken out at least a hundred by now and they're not even slowing down."

"They must have grown faster than I thought," Fai said with a shrug. He stepped to his right and a vampire missed him by inches and sailed past right into Kurogane, who was happy to deal with him on his own. "Perhaps next time you'll think twice before rushing into everything without another Hunter on your side."

"Another Hunter might try to attack _you."_

Fai flipped above the heads of a dozen vampires and landed in a crouch in front of Kurogane, bladed staff held in a defensive position.

"It's sweet that you care about me, Kuro-chu, but if it just gets us _both_ killed are you sure that sentiment is worth it?"

Kurogane glanced down at Fai's matted blonde hair (still sparkling), the thin shoulders and skinny (but surprisingly strong) arms and legs, the clawed fingers that clutched at his weapon. For all their games and empty threats, they would defend each other to their last breath. He gripped the hilts of his swords.

"I'm sure," he said.

~X~X~

"He'd do anything for you, you know."

Kurogane paused halfway out the door.

"Who?" he asked, even though he knew the answer.

"Fai," said Tomoyo.

"He should," Kurogane snapped. "That's part of our deal."

"Maybe you should think about letting up on that just a bit," she said. Kurogane whirled around to face her and she cocked an eyebrow at his angry expression. "Think about it, brother. He doesn't fit in with humans, and every time he meets another vampire he has to tell you. Whatever price you've set for his safety is paid in double, to you and his kin. He must care about you a lot to put up with that."

"That's his choice. I'm not forcing him into anything."

"In a way, though, you are," Tomoyo said coolly. "You've told him before that if he stops providing you information, you're done with him. I think the idea of cutting ties with you completely is a very painful one for him."

"Just what are you getting at?"

Tomoyo sighed. Sometimes her brother could be so dense.

"My point is, Kurogane, that he pays a hefty price for loving you, and you're not making it any easier on him. It might be good for both of you if you did."

~X~X~

_BOOM!_

The explosion rocked the entire building, and Fai and Kurogane swayed unsteadily on their feet. Something clattered above them, followed by a high-pitched whine that grew increasingly louder. Kurogane's eyes widened.

"Get down!" he yelled, throwing his cloak over Fai and shielding his own face.

_BOOM!_

"Yeah! Now that's what I'm talking 'bout!" crowed a familiar voice. Light filtered through the open wall and roof, and the vampires hissed as they retreated further down into the darkness.

_Bang! Bang bang bang! Bang! Bang! Click._

"Dang it! Kurogane, you got any ammo?"

Kurogane pulled himself off of Fai, checked to make sure they weren't directly under any light and whisked away the heavy cloak.

"What the heck are _you_ doing here, kid?" he growled as he pulled Fai to his feet. Syaoran grinned.

"Followed you," he said. "Figured you could use a Hunter who knows what side _everyone _is on."

"And what were we supposed to do about the bombs?"

"Exactly what you did. Worked out great, huh? Think I got about fifty just right there."

Kurogane glanced at his watch. 10:07.

"The lights?" he asked even as Fai retreated further into the shadows.

"Floodlights. What do you think took me so long? Now come on!"

Syaoran jumped through a sizeable hole in the ground to the floor below and Kurogane tossed his cloak to Fai again before following suit. Moments later, Fai dashed across the bright floor, Kurogane's cloak wrapped around him and the hood drawn tight. He leapt down and quickly rolled out of the way of the filtered prosthetic light.

_Take these,_ Syaoran thought at him, tossing him a pair of tinted glasses, _and keep that cloak on._

_He's got flash bombs,_ Kurogane silently warned. _Those sunglasses won't be enough._

Fai heard the clatter and the telltale whine and buried his face in Kurogane's cloak. Oh, God, it smelled like Kurogane, too- beer and dirt and the remnants of some cologne he could never quite place, no matter how good his sense of smell.

_Boom!_

The flash bombs weren't nearly as loud, but were twice as effective, Fai noted as he slid out a small rod and let his guan dao construct itself.

_How many more of those do you have?_ he asked Syaoran. It was too loud to hear anything, so he just used telepathy.

_Those were my last three,_ Syaoran thought as he abandoned his prized authentic twentieth-century pistols in favor of two more modern models with almost unlimited ammo. _I ran into trouble this morning and haven't replenished since._

Fai reviewed the scene before him- Syaoran was already having trouble keeping the vampires at a safe enough distance that his guns were still useful, and it looked like the hilt to one of Kurogane's treasured swords was cracked.

_Can I suggest a tactical retreat?_

_Already? I just got here! _protested Syaoran with a grin.

_It's a bit late for that now, Fai,_ pointed out Kurogane as he leapt past in pursuit of a particularly feisty vampire. Fai immediately finished off a particularly persistent vampire following him. Hundreds more were swarming in every minute.

_Then one of you put out a call for more Hunters, or both of you be prepared to die here._

_Not today,_ thought Kurogane.

_We've got a whole new millennium waiting for us, and I don't plan to disappoint it!_ agreed Syaoran. Fai sighed.

_You're both stubborn fools,_ he told them, then addressed Kurogane privately. _Kuro-sena, do you remember-_

_Of course I remember, idiot._

Fai smiled even as he pushed three of his kin into the light, killing them.

_I just thought if we were going to die, we might as well die with happy memories._

_Don't worry about that. We're not going to die._

~X~X~

"What happened to your eye?" demanded Kurogane, snatching a beer out of Fai's hands and plopping down on the floor. Fai's smile faltered briefly, but he quickly recovered.

"Nothing, Kuro-mii. It was just an accident."

Fai thought he sounded convincing, albeit slightly vague, but Kurogane didn't buy it for a second.

"What kind of accident?" he pressed. Fai's brain scrambled for a satisfactory answer.

"I was playing baseball," he finally got out.

"With what, a knife instead of a ball? Who were you playing with?"

"Syaoran."

"Just Syaoran?"

"Just Syaoran."

"You play baseball on teams, Fai."

"Oh, really? Well, maybe we were playing something else. But it was a lot like baseball."

"_Fai,"_ Kurogane snapped, leaping up, and he got dangerously close, so close that Fai was pressed up against the wall and Kurogane's lips were so tantalizingly close that Fai was having a hard time not kissing them. "Don't you _dare_ lie to me. _Tell me what happened."_

"I-" Fai stuttered. Those ruby eyes were mesmerizing. "A… Hunter."

"Which Hunter?"

"I don't know."

"He tore your eye out and you don't know who he was?"

"I don't know his name."

"Bull."

"It is not."

"_Fai,"_ Kurogane hissed. Fai glared at him stubbornly._ "Fai!"_

"Reed," Fai relented after a long time. "Fei Wang Reed." He expected Kurogane to let him go then, but he didn't. Fai began to feel uncomfortable in his grip and he started to squirm. "Kuro-pon, let me-"

Kurogane suddenly pushed himself against Fai roughly, and their lips met, the smell of beer heavy on Kurogane's breath, and Fai prayed that wasn't the only reason he was kissing him, because it felt way, way too good to only happen once. It was over too soon, but Kurogane stood there for a moment with his forehead resting against Fai's.

"Don't _ever_ lie to me about things like that," he whispered, and then he pushed himself away and flew out the door.

He didn't come back for three days, and during that time Fai noticed that his sword was missing, too. The Hunter named Reed never bothered him again.

~X~X~

Blood was everywhere.

It continued to spill from Syaoran's chest and onto Kurogane's lap even though the boy's heart had stopped minutes ago. Kurogane's blood still drained from his arm, a cut so deep that his entire left arm was now useless. And now Fai crouched in front of them both, clutching his bladed staff so tightly his knuckles were turning white, licking the remnants of Kurogane's blood off his claws.

It sickened him that of all people, it was _Kurogane's _blood- that the blood used to seal their oath years ago was the same blood used to break it. But he would not- even now, he would _never-_ dishonor Syaoran's body by taking his blood instead.

The changes were permanent now, so he could never go back to appearing human, but they made him stronger, faster, more agile. Strength meant he could defend Kurogane, avenge Syoaran's death. A boy so young should never have been a Hunter, anyway. Sakura would be devastated.

Fai gripped the staff tighter while the vampires around him closed in. They were slow, wary of this new creature who should have joined them in their fight but instead stood his ground. He closed his eye.

_There is no going back,_ he thought, _and there is no going forward. We all die eventually, so there is no point in fearing death during battle._ A bitter smile touched his lips. _Ne, Kurogane. Your words are true now more than ever._

Kurogane gripped Syaoran's body, his head bowed low. "Just do it."

Fai looked up at his kin, gold eye glinting. And he did.

~X~X~

Fai collapsed on the ground next to Kurogane and buried his face in his shirt, shaking. Kurogane carefully, gently placed Syaoran's body on the floor and then turned his attention to the living- or at least the undead- for the moment. He wrapped his good arm around Fai and pulled him close.

"There is no going back," he whispered, "and there is no going forward. All that exists is _now,_ because that is the _only_ thing you can change."

Fai felt the tip of a dagger digging into his skin and bit back a sob. Instead, he leaned up and kissed Kurogane, surprised to find salty tears staining his cheeks, too. He broke away and managed a bitter smile.

"You did promise, didn't you?"

Kurogane pressed the dagger into his hand. "If you want to drink, do it now."

Fai didn't need the dagger. He didn't think he wanted to use it, anyway, not after the first time, when his shaking hands had sliced halfway through Kurogane's arm. He pressed kisses down the man's neck until he reached the base of his throat, then bit and drank his fill. Kurogane's hand rested lightly on Fai's hip.

When he was done, he tried to hand the dagger back to Kurogane, but the Hunter shook his head.

"I can't," he said. Fai stared at him.

"Can't what?"

"_I can't let you die before me."_

Fai touched his face and kissed him again. _You always swore you'd kill me the day I became a vampire._

_I changed my mind,_ thought Kurogane, kissing him back passionately.

_You're breaking your promise._

_I've broken a lot of promises. I used to promise myself I would never, ever touch you. I promised I would never let anyone hurt you._

_There was nothing you could have done to stop Reed. You weren't even there._

Fai moaned when Kurogane pulled away to check his watch. 11:56.

"Four more minutes 'til the new millennium," he muttered. Even miles away, they could hear the excited screams of the city dwellers. Not a one of them, he thought with disgust, would ever know how much safer their lives had been made through the deaths of a child and a Hunter. Nobody ever came to this part of the city, and even if they did, all the vampires had dissolved to dust. There was nothing left to show how many there had been. "There's no going forward for either of us, Fai. You've got no place to go, and I'm going to die here."

"No!" Fai snapped, tightening his grip on Kurogane's wrist. "Don't say that."

"Whether I say it or not doesn't change anything," Kurogane said softly, and when Fai touched a hand to his chest, he felt a warm liquid seeping through his claws. _How could he have not noticed? _Kurogane leaned his head against the wall, looking up, as Fai crawled into his lap. "Guess Tomoyo was right. I'm too stubborn and overconfident for my own good."

Somewhere far away, the countdown began. Kurogane glanced at his watch- 11:57. It was off by a few minutes, apparently.

"_Ten, nine, eight-"_

"I love you, Fai."

"_Six, five-"_

"I love you, too."

"_Three, two…"_

The golden ball dropped. The crowd erupted into cheers. Some idiot with a bottle of alcohol safely stored in his stomach decided it would be a good idea to jump off a third-story balcony and had to be rushed to the hospital. People who knew and cared about him rode in the ambulance, too, and sat by his bedside waiting for him to recover. He made it.

Somewhere far away, an equally drunk but far more intelligent man nobody knew or cared about did _not_ make it. The light faded from his eyes and his body went slack. His lover cried, but not for long because less than a minute later he stabbed himself through the heart and dissolved into dust.

_~ The idea I had when I started writing this and the end result are not even of the same species. I eventually gave up trying to create a fixed plot and just let it write itself. Apparently my story wanted Kurogane and Fai (and Syaoran) to die. In my defense, that was not part of the original plot._

_I prefer to handwrite everything because I feel more creative, which is all very well and good, but now my hand is dead- as is my brain, since it's now 3 AM (what am I doing up?). I thought that chapter I wrote for _The Chocolate Shoppe_ was long- this topped out at seventeen pages T.T_

_Thanks to _emeraldgeminideathboar_ (sweet name, btw) for the first review :)_

_I'm much too lazy to think of a creative way to ask for reviews. Just write one, pretty please. ~_


End file.
